Vehicle jokes
How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone? Because he got hit by a bus!
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
Mosely in a white van.
What is your car you cannot drive? A super flying car!
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk and you can drive.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
What do you call a Mexican who's lost his car?
Carlos.