Vehicle jokes

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!

What do you call a magic car?

A human.

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

What’s yellow and can’t swim? A school bus.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?

I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.

What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

There are two Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?

A cop.

What kind of car does Pikachu drive?

A Volts-wagon.

What is yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of orphans.

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

Why can't orphans be kidnapped?

Because most kidnappers use a family van.

What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.