Vegetable jokes
What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
What happened when the corn got scolded? He got an earful!
What did the tomato say to the other tomato?
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
What’s 23 times 2?
A potato.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.