Vegetable jokes
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Did you hear about the famous pickle?
He was a big dill!
What do you call a flat cabbage?
A leaf pile.
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!