Use jokes

The parents used to hit him.

His parents got into a car crash and died.

He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"

What kind of flower do orphans use? Self-raising.

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.

Why is the US so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

Yo mama so stupid, she used a fork to save the milk from the cereal.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

Look at the bright side!

The worst is behind us.

What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?

"Use the horse!"

Why are the best used guns from France?

Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.

Us: haha penis.

Korea: That sounds like a park name.

What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?

The 2028 US election.

The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.

He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).

1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.

5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."

7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.