Use jokes

How did the guy rob the water park?

He used a water gun!

LOL 💦🔫💧🌊

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.

Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."

I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.

Man, I loved that wheelchair.

Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.

Bleach solves so many problems:

Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

Why did the farmer's wife chase the chickens out of the yard?

'Cause they were using fowl language!

What do you call a fish that can use a katana? A salmon-rai.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?

Downey.

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."