Use jokes
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
What shampoo does Stephen Hawkings use?
Head & Shoulders.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.
The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
KFC doesn’t use toilet paper because it is finger lickin' good!
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)
Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."