US Jokes

What do u call a blind dinosaur? *do-u-think-he-saur-us*

STOP MAKING AUTISM JOKES CALLING US "RETARDS". IT IS NOT COOL.

What happend when obama ran for president ?

The whole us thought holy hell its osama bin laden thought he was dead.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".

Teacher:what does the pig give us Student: bacon Teacher: very good how about the chicken? Student: meat Teacher: good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: homework

My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered "Happy". The teacher said I didn't understand the test, I said to her that she didn't understand life

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me "Yeah I can read braille". So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read "Screw you, asshole"

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl,i decided to help, she didn't stand a chance against both of us

my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.

My friend and I were walking down the street and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by 3 other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help.

He had no chance against the 5 of us.

rizz

are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i