Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
US Jokes
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
What do Polish people in Poland use chop sticks for?
tweezers.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?
campaign contribution to the Republican Party.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
