Ups Jokes

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle. So i went up a step and said "It's other Anakin I have the high ground!"

Dads secretary left her position, he tole me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?

They'll end up only throwing the pin.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said "they're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said "they're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said "they're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice

Sans:Zzzzzzzz Papyrus:SANS WAKE UP!! Sans:What is it dude? Papyrus:A human has fallen from the surface world! Sans:And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

imagine the russians showing up late to the 1917 revoloution with a tsarbucks in hand. they were late so I guess they weren't russian. They were probaly stalin.

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says “well all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket”. So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says “dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”