Ups jokes
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!