Ups jokes

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!