Ups jokes
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Memes
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
Theyโre both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. ๐
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize itโs half empty.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...