Ups jokes
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Memes
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. ๐
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize itโs half empty.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
When you canโt see your adopted joke pop up, itโs the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.