Ups jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."