So the other day I was looking up zodiac sign stuff you know im a real big fan of that and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have there own hairstyles... except cancer.
Why should you wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. -- I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honoured, I'm Dad."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
the gas prices are going up that even Hitler is killing himself
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,
"Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death you may end up regretting it, you can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if i’m wrong.
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance and I'm tired of it. Today I push him out of his wheelchair.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing while a man named Chris comes up and asks “which one is yours?” The man said “I don’t know i’m still deciding.”
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun..... Then it dawned on me
A Roman walks into a bar
He holds up two fingers and says "give me five beers."
Whats the worst part of a down syndrom relationship? Theres more downs then ups!
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it's okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good but I loved the execution.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
This is a stand-up.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks why is my name daisy? The mom says because when you were born a daisy fell on your head. The second kid asks their mom why is my name butterfly? The mom says because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head. Then the third kid yells ahjoejienfkef. The mom says shut up brick!
