Ups jokes
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
What do emos do when they meet up?
They hang out.
Don’t cut yourself up about it.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.
Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.
I drew this 2days ago
Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.
H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
Roses are red, violets are blue.
These jokes are old, come up with something new!
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?
His family was blown up by meteors.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Why did the orphan live at school?
Because on the first day his parents didn’t pick him up.
What animal jumps the highest?
An emo kid, some of them are still up there.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."