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Ups jokes

Roses are red, I reload fast...

I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

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    • Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.

    Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!

    I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

    Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

    I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?

    How many fingers am I holding up?

    Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

    A cop pulls over an old man.

    The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

    The old man said, "No."

    My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

    I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

    Why can’t orphans pick up their phone after school?

    Because they need their parents to go pick it up.

    Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

    The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

    The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"