If you scanned my thigh it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen
I usually hang up halloween decorations,
but this year imma be the decoration.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window and says "We are looking for two child molesters". Now after a short pause the two men look at each other,then back at the officer and say "we'll do it!"
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
i saw two really tall guys i walked up and said "i didn't know we still have the twin towers"
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priest?
Because they blow up in your face.
Not a joke but theres no where else to post this , ( mainly this post is for the broke people w/o a gym ) . Did you know that the body can't tell if ur using weights? so lifting weights are optional . some beginner workouts W/O weights for like really weak ppls . 1. sit - up's 10 reps 2. push - up's 20 per reps 3. squat's 10 per reps 4. crunches 10 per reps
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
Whats do Americans and stars have in common? They both love shooting up
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator the World Trade Center collapsed.
what do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
they blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
A man find out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees. Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says βI can save you $100β
Yo momma is so ugly even the trash man wouldn't pick her up.
your mama's so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind
I went home one day a see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what going on my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guest what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist after being there for a while, the dentist ask β How of do you floss your teeth? The jap said β after every mealβ, when they finish up the dentist turns to him and βsays you need to floss your eyes more, I can still see themβ
