Ups jokes
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.
Random person: What stuff? 🤨
Me: What?
The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!
Me: Colourful flamingo fart.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
What went up but never came down?
Stephen Hawking's IQ.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!
What hurts the most? 😹
A. Breaking up before chewing.
B. Breaking up after chewing.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.