Ups jokes
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.