Unexpected jokes
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock, and Jill's real name was Randy.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.