Two jokes
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"
Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"
Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
Two urchins, L. H. A. B.
What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?
Tug of whore.
Are you interested in it?
More than two boot branches.
This is two heads.
Deaf. "Deep water." ""
- "78 years."
Are you interested again? ""
"If you go ... you are there."
"No. 85 is good."
What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!