Two jokes
What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?
Tug of whore.
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
What two fights can Africa never win?
A food fight and a water fight.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Memes
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
"I like ya cut G" means two different things.
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.
There are two types of people, avoid them both.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!