Two jokes

Why is America so bad at playing chess?

They lost two towers.

Two planes crashed into two separate towers.

Now two towers crash into two separate planes.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

If BlessedBrian were any more two-faced, he’d be a Rubik’s Cube.

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."

When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,

You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"

Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.

How many beans are there in Irish chili?

Answer: 239

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?

Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

Two nuns in a bathtub.

One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"

The other nun says, "It sure does."

There are two types of people, avoid them both.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

What has two wheels and goes really fast?

A vegetable down a hill.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

"I like ya cut G" means two different things.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.