Two jokes
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants 👖
How do two emo kids greet each other?
"I like ya cut, G."
If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.
Two Asian people have a black baby.
Something wrong.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?
There used to be two but now there's one...
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"