Yo mama is so fat, it takes two warlocks to summon her.
Two Jokes
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
The Twin Towers ordered two pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plane.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
What goes up and down and needs two people?
A seesaw.
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.
Two's company, cheese a crowd!
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
