Two jokes

So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.

How do two emo kids greet each other?

"I like ya cut, G."

Two Asian people have a black baby.

Something wrong.

What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants 👖

What is a cow on two legs?

Yo mama!

Why can't America play chess?

They're missing two towers.

What is the cheapest kind of meat?

Deer balls, two for under a buck!

Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?

There used to be two but now there's one...

I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?

Two dead babies in an acid bath.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.