Two jokes
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?
There used to be two but now there's one...
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
Memes
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
Yo mama is so fat, it takes two warlocks to summon her.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.