Two jokes
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."