8008135 is my favorite number.
The worst ratio is 6:9.
And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
These days, there are only two political parties in India: BJP and anti-BJP.
I have two eyes and am afraid of sex.
A Fortnite player.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other says, "Well...I'm a huge metal fan..."
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer Balls, two for under a Buck!
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
