Two jokes
Two towers.
My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
Two people were on a boat. They were afloat on water!
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?