Twist jokes

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

What makes you think feminists can change anything?

How to tell your kid he's adopted:

Son, I'm a virgin.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!" When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.

Boy: Spell ME.

Girl: M-E.

Boy: You forgot the D.

Girl: There is no D in ME.

Boy: Not yet.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I have schizophrenia,

And so do I.

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.

"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!

I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Suicide.

Suicide who?

Suicide you.