Twist jokes
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.
Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.
HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
What makes you think feminists can change anything?
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
What do you call five Black people having sex?
Threesome.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
One day an orphan threw a boomerang. It's not the only thing that didn't come back.
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.