Trys jokes

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.

Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.

Well, I have nothing.

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Why did the dog cross the road twice?

Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew?

Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"