Trys jokes

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

Bro, please block Kimberly Jones. She keeps trying to scam people.

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew?

Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.

Why did the dog cross the road twice?

Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.

Well, I have nothing.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)