Try jokes

How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.

Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

I tried to eat a clock the other day.

It was very time consuming.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"

When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.

Why did Kenny die?

Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?

How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.

"What's the wifi password?"

"121i362"

"It's not working."

"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"

"The United Airline."

"We're in the World Trade Center, though."

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"

Yo mama is so dumb that she tried to climb Mountain Dew.