Try jokes

I tried phone sex once, lost my bits to a stray "call waiting" beep. Very painful. Never again.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

What is an old lady's favorite exercise?

Trying to get up from the soft couch.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

Why did Kenny die?

Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to ride Ponyboy Curtis.

Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

eBay is so useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"