Try jokes
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip!
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person. Me dials 911.
Police: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Police: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH?
Police: Ends call.
Me: Calls hospital.
Hospital: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Hospital: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.
Hospital: Hangs up.
Me: Calls fire dEpArTmEnT.
Fire: No fire.
Fire dEpArTmEnT: What is that location?
Me: Hangs up and give up and goes home.
I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.
Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally… you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
My friend tried to sleep on napkins.
I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
There was a lot of traffic and Bob stopped.
Babu is not a child. Helmets, helmets, flares, and light gloves — which should be his undoing today — are part of the Grünsen man's music.
Risk: like Kuchi in Erdjeskos Age: after coax-caramel herring sauce.
Bob Oberstein stands on the fabric of the Tapich expedition, measuring the short axis in centimeters for the short Everest. It's not funny, but the rubber star is moved 90 degrees to the right, but it happens. Tiny Fossel bans button furong. Bob Warler. Dan Grip.
"Oh," said Bob.
Weapons are dangerous and brutal.
Long world!
Here's Bob Gusko's Purselbaum starting to do it. Shaun Aram needs to take those big steps forward.
Sing a song!
The main series of Night Remnants is Bright Rainbows and Underworld by Stuart Haystack.
Cars — Cars — Everything!
The centrifugal forces losses are high. Bob's legs no longer adhere to Dam Dirk's Hilton. You can fill your stomach with three types of pilaf. At that time, the team that worked forever released the LEGO-Tele of Trep Hinab. Bob spins quickly and is yellow-blue.
Hmm!
The final stage: Bob's Torso Destroy action film manner over the laminate of the floor try only. Go to his leg and stop at Hastor.
People.
Donkey Bob tricks Commodus with his snow harp. Good science. But if the house of God says: If you are in the Bescherung District, around the house, you cannot do that.
"The war against slaves..." Bob's comment was emotional.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
Tried making 9/11 jokes, but none of it kept falling apart.