Try jokes
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
What did one bean say to the other bean?
How you bean?
Did you hear about the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well, the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Stephen Hawking died because he tried downloading a free version of Windows 10.
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip!
I tried to eat a clock the other day.
It was very time consuming.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
He tried to install a free version of Windows 10.