Try jokes

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

Have you ever tried sex when camping?

It's f***ing intense.

Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.