Try jokes
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist.
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.