Tree jokes
Jefferey Dahmer asked his husband a question.
His husband said, "What's your question?"
Jefferey Dahmer said, "You want to know what is my favorite type of tree?"
His husband said "Yes?"
Jefferey said, "Morning Wood, now take off your pants!"
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
What do you call a tree?
A treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
One hot day a cow wanted some shade.
He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
Why did the koala cross the road?
To get to the big tree.
Why did the koala fall off the tree? Because it was dead, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!
What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?
How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
Why did the koala go to bed?
Because it was leafing.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."