Tree jokes
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂