Tree jokes
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
Fruit is like ex-wives. They both look really good hanging from a tree.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.