Tree jokes
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.