Tree jokes

What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?

They both hang from trees.

Do trees pee?

How else do we have No. 1 pencils?

My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"

Me "OH NO" 💀

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?

Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.

What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left hanging.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!

What tree is every emo kid trying to find?

The hanging tree.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?

1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.

What's white and can't climb a tree?

A refrigerator.

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.