Tree jokes
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
Who is white, hairy, and rusty in the tree?
It's Rambo Rabbit with a big gun that was.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
What's big and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
They cut deep.
Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
How many emos like anagrams?
Some.
What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?
Emold.
What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?
They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.
What do you call flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who cares, let them cry in the dark.
Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?
It was the Happy Meal.
Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.
“Emo cake?” says the baker. ”What exactly is it?”
Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”
How do you pull an emo from a tree?
Cut the rope.
What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?
They’re both white and flavorless.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call an obese emo teen?
An edgelord.
Recommended: Fat Jokes
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
How are cats and emos different from one another?
The cat still has 8 other lives.
Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?
They are playing Fruit Ninja.
What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?
Sonic the Edgy hog.
Why would the emo swallow a clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Why are Emos still around?
Because the suffering never ends.
What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?
You encourage them.
What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?
A toaster.
What is the favorite game of an emo?
Hangman.
Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?
So it could cut itself.
A group of friends started an emo salsa band.
They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.
What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?
Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?