Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
Tamalito.
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common? CANCER! Jks they are both fun to laugh at.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
