Treatment jokes

Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "Cancer?"

Doctor: "What a coincidence."

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Will I survive?

Doctor: Probably not.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

What is the difference between me and cancer?

My mom did beat cancer.

What creature takes the most medicine?

Caterpillar.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

Doctor: I can't treat you.

Orphan: Why!

Doctor: I'm a family doctor.

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.