A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?
cancer
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
