New Treatment Jokes

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Why is there no medication in Africa?

Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

What do we want?!

A cure for Tourette's!!

When do we want it?!

Cunt!!!

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.

It’s called Finding Chemo.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.