Treatment jokes

Q: Why are medication pills white?

A: Because they work.

What meds do snakes with ADHD take?

Adder-all.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?

Cancer.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...

All of the bristles fell out!

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "Cancer?"

Doctor: "What a coincidence."

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Will I survive?

Doctor: Probably not.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

What is the difference between me and cancer?

My mom did beat cancer.

What creature takes the most medicine?

Caterpillar.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"