Treatment

Treatment jokes

Cancer

    • Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."

    Nurse: *Laughs*

    Kid: "Why are you laughing?"

    Nurse: "When I get OLDER."

    Proceeds to laugh.

  • 1

    • Heart Monitor

    • Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

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    • Dog

    • What do you give a dog with a fever?

    Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

    Pill

    • Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.

    Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!

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    • Meat

    • Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

    So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

    Grave

    • Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

    Patient: What's the good news?

    Doctor: I've got you flowers.

    Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?

    Doctor: They're for your grave.

  • 1

    • Butt

    • If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

  • 0

    • Patient

    • A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

    The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

    Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

    Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

    After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

    Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

    The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

  • 0

    • Cancer

    • What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

    CANCER!

    Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.

  • 2

    • Blonde

    • A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

    The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

  • 0

    • Wordplay

    • A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."

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