When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
"Looks like I am going back to the future!"
I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.
The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.
Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the airport.
Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.
Hi! I’m going back home.
Why did an Indian cross the road?
To take a shit.
Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.
At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
Teacher: We are going to Seville.
Girls: Omg, it's such a beautiful city. I can't wait to explore!
Boys: Ohh oh oh ohhh.
Omg thanks for 1000 likes!
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost the case.
Yo daddy so stupid, he went to the HO-tel to see some hoes.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
