Transportation jokes
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.
If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.
If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?
Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"