Transportation jokes

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.

What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?

Time to get in trouble!

What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?

Hop in!

This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.

But, it's like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

I need a hug.

*hugs train*

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.

Why was the sheep arrested?

Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.

Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.

Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.

Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?

A: Because they're retired!

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids.

Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.

My heart is like a plane.

It crashes every once in a while.

What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?

Run over.

What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.