Transportation jokes
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
What did the airplane say to the paper plane? Why do you look like a wimp?
Memes
The "what the flip is this" mobile!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Carlos.
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
What is the bus?
What is long and hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.
Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.