Transportation jokes
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What do you call an autistic kid with a rocket ship? A cocker.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
What is long and hard and is full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
oh well there goes another one
Why did the little boy get hit by a car?
Answer: Because Sally was driving!
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
What do you call a magic car?
A flying carpet.
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
Q: If a boat could fly, where would it go?
A: An airport.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
You know what I told my little brother plane?
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What do you call a man who lost his car??
Carlos
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.