Transportation jokes
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo? Cause there were only 4 trucks.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.