Transportation jokes
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.
Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.