A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to Chick-fil-A.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
What did one plane say to the other? "Let's fly!"
Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the playground?
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
Floor on the road?
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
Yo... Kobe, you're going down man. Did you forget the low grade fuel?
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
What did the traffic light say to the other?
🚦🚥🚦 Stop looking, I'm changing!
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.
The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.
Why did the flamingo cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
