Transportation jokes
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Memes
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
What's grey and can't fly?
A parking lot.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
What do you call a bus full of white people?
A TWINKiE!!!
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!
How do bees 🐝 get to school?
They ride the school buzz!
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.