Transportation jokes
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
What did the bomber say to the jet?
"Sorry bro, I gotta bomb."
*WAIT NO-*
What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?
Michelin.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Were you born on the highway? That's where most accidents happen.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.
Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.