Transportation jokes

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?

Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.

How did the fat person cross the road?

It rolled.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?

What do you call a train that likes toffee?

A chew-chew train.

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

You might think these jokes are plane.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."

What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!