Transportation jokes

A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

How did the fat person cross the road?

It rolled.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?

Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

You might think these jokes are plane.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!

What's black and yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of orphans.

How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.

How do you get them back out? Straw.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"