Transportation jokes
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
They call me an elevator because I let people down.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had diarrhea.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.