Transportation jokes

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"

What does a broken down vegetable say?

I need new wheels.

A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.

What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

How did the fat person cross the road?

It rolled.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had diarrhea.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.

They call me an elevator because I let people down.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?

Mooooooooooo along!

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?