A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
