Transportation jokes
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
Memes
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
What does a bouncy airplane sound like?
Boeing Boeing Boeing...
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.