Worst Jokes Ever
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
They say there is strength in numbers. Tell that to the people in the World Trade Center.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
What is the most common crime in Asia?
Identity fraud.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.