What music do depressed people listen to?
"I Believe I Can Fly."
Worst Jokes Ever
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
I finally got a girlfriend.
Her name is Remington Model 32.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because two "wongs" don't make a "white."
"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."
I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.
I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Satan and the devil are alter egos.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.
Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all Crips. (sorry)
