Worst Jokes Ever
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Boom, it went.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
Here comes the airplane.
9/11 happens the next day.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?
The clock actually comes back around.
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.
You look sexy with that rope around your neck.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?
Special Forces.
Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.
What instrument do skeletons use? A trombone! Haha!
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
What type of flour do orphans use?
- Self-raising.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.