Worst Jokes Ever
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Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they actually have a father there.
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
Why do pedophiles always lose a race?
Because they come in a little behind.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
No one.
No one who?
...
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
We don't read backwards.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.