When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
Worst Jokes Ever
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other one, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.
Man #2: My son died at level 4.
Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.
What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?
"Did I leave the stove on?"
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
Yo mama is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
