Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?
Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
There are two Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
A cop.
I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.