Worst Jokes Ever
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.
Can emos eat a Happy Meal?
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
Joe mama so dumb she studies for the COVID test.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...