Worst Jokes Ever

Why do people want to jump off buildings?

Because they want to become Superman.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

What is the email password of a black person?

"watermelon"

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."

What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

I've been raped!

What does NASA stand for?

Not A Space Agency.

What do you call a homosexual wrestler?

Gay Mysterio.

What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?

About 140 calories.

I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.

So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?

A: "Hit me baby one more time."

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?

"Nice tits."