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Worst Jokes Ever
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?
They believe their own lies.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit!"
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
TommyInnit is a joke.
If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got genital warts, Soon you will, too!
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?
Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
