Worst Jokes Ever
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.